There is, in my opinion, a very good reason I feel like writing a spiteful blog post tonight. At this very moment, people are gathered together less than two hours from my house listening to my absolute most favorite band of all time perform live and I’M STUCK HERE IN STUPID OLD SMALL TOWN, USA. Less than two freaking hours from my house. But horror of horrors, it’s a school night.
So yeah, I’m stuck here at home, listening to my collection of Jars of Clay music on shuffle and blogging while a band with three Grammy’s is likely singing some of my favorite songs just far enough away to be too far. The entire bloody city of Rocky Mount, Virginia had better turn out for this concert or it is a city of ingrates. *sighs heavily*
I suppose the best one can do in moments like this is try to look on the bright side (though I wonder if there is one here) and make light of things if appropriate. And it is just a band after all. Except it’s not just a band because it’s The Awesome Freaking Jars of Freaking Clay we are talking about. But we can still be silly about bands. And so, I came up with a plan this evening. (The results are as follows, but if you find it boring, scroll down to the end of the post, where I have made a playlist of all my favorite Jars of Clay songs for you to enjoy and so that you may share my pain.)
Here’s what happened: I don’t remember why, but I wandered over to a sort of website known as a band name generator. It just takes random words and makes them into a name for a hypothetical band. And so I collected some of my favorites, and put them in a list. Then I found a song name generator and did the same thing. Finally, I got some random quotes to serve as album titles. And so, I give you, ten songs that don’t exist, but definitely should, and my review of them. Enjoy.
But not too much because remember, we are in Jarhead mourning. Sshh, sshh, no laughing. Alright, never mind, you can laugh. What am I, the Laugh Nazi? I will sit here, the stoic and fatalistic philosopher. No, the Jars situation does not bother me. Of course not. It is merely one of billions of representations of life’s unfairness. Gosh I can ramble. Without further ado, and in no particular order: Continue reading “INFURIATION”